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05:49 pm
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FUD AP3Z D0NT G3TTIT!!111!!!
1 W0Z IN ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) autopopeZ RUM AN feorag CAM 1N AN SAT DOUN W1CH M33NS 1 G3TT KAT TR33TZ!!111!!!! 1 HAD TR33TZ AN DEN DAT 0VVER KAT W0T DUZ N0TT EGGZISST CAM 1N AN THAY G1V H3R TR33TZ BUTT D1DDUNT G1V MEE ENY MOR TR33TZ!!!11!!!!! N0T FAYRE!!!11!!!!!
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09:03 pm
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K0LD T0EZEZ!!11!!!!
1 HAV M1 0WN BASK1T 1N FRUNT 0V THA RAYDEEAYT0R 1N feoragZ STUDDY!!11!!! 1T 1Z N1SE AN KOZ1 BUTT autopope K33PZ TURN1N RAYDEEAYT0R 0FF B1COZ 1TT 1Z UNDA W1ND0 AN HEE SAY THA ENNARGEE AR WAYST1D!111!!!! 1T 1Z BEE1N YUZED TU HEET MEE!!!1111!!!! 1Z N0T WAYST!!11!! 1 HAV TU G0 AN SHUV OVVER KATT W0T DUZ N0TT EGGZIST 0FF H1R SOWFA 1N autopopeZ 0FFISE AN HEE ONL1 TURN M1 RAYDEEAYT0R BAK 0N WEN feorag KOMPLAYN THAT HEE STEEL MEE FR0MM H1R!!11!!!!!
1TT 1Z BAK 0N NA0 AN 1 1Z W0RM AN HAPP1!!11!!!!!
HAV DEESIDED THAT AS 1TZ DEESEMBA 1Z OK TU YUZE FESST1V 1K0NN!!111!!!
Current Mood:  WARRMM!!!
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04:54 pm
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0H BUGER!!11!!!!
THA 0VVER KAT W0T DUZ N0TT EGGZISSSST IZ BAK AN 1Z BEE1N W0T THA FUD AP3Z CAL "THA KOMPLAYNTS DEPARRTMUNT"!!111!!!! THA FUD AP3Z L1K L0NG WURDZ - I1Z N0TT FAYR!!11!!!!!!!
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11:24 am
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KWYETT HEER!!111!!
0VVER KAT W0T DUZ N0TT EGGZ1SSSST 1Z N0T HEEER!!11111!!!! FUD AP3 SEZ SHEE 1Z ATT V** 4 T3SSSTS!!1111!!! SHEE S0 ST00P1D SHEE HAV 2 S1T EGGZAM 2 SH0 SHEE 1Z PR0PPER KAT!!!111!!! H00 D00 1 KURL UP 2 NA0???!1111?? (EEVEN TH0 OVVER KAT DUZ N0TT EGGZISSST AN 1Z N0T M1 FREND)!!!1111!!!!!!
Current Mood: cold
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06:22 pm
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Usual lack of service around these parts
autopope has left his iMac switched on. Excellent!
I was going to complain about the atrocious condition of my tray, but I see that the non-existent other cat has already got there, in her own inimitable fashion. Instead I will complain about what it takes to get feorag up in the morning. This has nothing on it! I will have to stash some food behind the sofa here or something, or I might starve! I have been doing my most pathetic mew, but she seems to be immune to my charms.
Current Location: the office desk, minus autopope
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06:16 pm
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D3RE FUD APE
CLEEN THA L1TTA TRA NA0!!!11!!!!! 1T 1Z DISSGUSST1N AN H0RR1D AN KANT WAYT T1LL autopope GETZ HOM!!111!!!11!
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01:25 pm
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GUD DA!!11!!
1 HAZ SUNNBEEM!!1!!!!111! AN OVVER KAT W0T DUZ N0TT EGGZ1SSSST DUSSUNT!!111!!!! SHE 1Z LURRK1N 1N DAAK K0RN3R L1KE THA G0FF SHED BEE 1F SHE EGGZ1SSST3D!!111!!!
1M SHUR 1TZ N0TT FAYRE T00 MEE SUMHOW.
Current Location: 1N SUNNBEEM 1N K1TCHUN
Current Mood:  lazy
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03:04 pm
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N0TT FAYRE BADD DEY!!!!11!!
THA FUD AP3Z PUTT MEE 1N B0CKS AN TUK MEE 2 V** TUDAY!!11!!! SAYM 4 OVVER KATT W0T DUZ N0TT EGGZ1SSST!!111!!!
Current Mood:  angry
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12:19 pm
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KL3VVA FUD AP3Z!!!11!!
RUMBULLED!!!11!!!!!.
Current Mood:  cute
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08:58 pm
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F0RG0TT1D 2 MENSHUN...1!!1!
THA T3SSST R1SULTZ D1D CUM BAK FR0M THA V** AN THA LUMMP 1Z ONL1 A SISSSST!!11!!!!
Current Mood: R3LEEV3D!!11!!
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08:43 pm
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1ND1GGN1TTY!!11!!!!!
1 WAZ SL33P1INK 1N M1 SPESHUL BED AN THA FUD APEZ CAM AL0NNG AN PR0DDEDEDEDEDED ATT MEE!!111!!! THAY MAD3 NO1Z AN autopope W3NT AWA AN CAM BAK W1V B1G BOCKSSS!!1111!!! 1T W0Z N0TT A PRESSENT THO!!111!!! THAY PUTTED MEE 1N THA B0CKS AN T00KED ME OWT!1111!!! 1T W0Z C0WLD AN WET AN 1 GOTTED C0LD W1TE W3T STUF 0N M1 NOZE!!111!!!!
W3 ENDEDED UP ATT THA V**!!111!!!!!
THA V** PRODEDEDED M1 T000 AN TOOKED M1 1NTO THA BAK!!111!!! HE SHAYVED M3 WER THAY HADD B33N PR0DDININING AN STUCK N33DUL 1N MEE!!111!!! 1 HAV LUMPP AN THATZ W0T H3 STUK THA N33DUL 1N!!!!!11!!! H3 SAYD H3 F1NK 1T JUS A SISSST BUT W1LL G3T SAMPUL (I.E. B1TZ OV MEE!!!) CHEKKED TU BEE SHURE!!111!!! HAV SILL1 LUCK1NG BALLD PACH NAO!!11!!!
UPDAYTE!!!111!!: autopope SAE 1 HAV N0 DIGGNITTY 2 LUZE BIC0Z 0VVER KAT W0T DUZ N0TT EGGZISST HAV N1KKED 1T!!!11!!!
Current Location: M1 BED AGANE!!11!!
Current Mood:  DE-DIGGNIFICATEDED
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02:27 pm
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1K B1N 1NA KLUG3 KATTZE!!11!!!!
1 HAV DUN feoragZ GERMUN HOMWURK 4 HER!!!111!!! SH33 1Z DOO1NG PERFEKT TENS!!!11!!!
Ein Schwarzer Tag
Montag war ein schwarzer Tag. Um sechs Uhr bin ich aufgestanden. Die Affen haben geschlafen. Ich bin ins Küche gegangen aber habe ich kein Lebensmittel gesehen. Ich habe sehr laut geschrien. Am viertel nach sechs sind die Affen aufgestanden. Ich habe um mein Frühstuck gebeten. Dann sind die Affen im Schlafzimmer gegangen! Sie haben eingeschlafen und habe ich kein Frühstuck gegessen.
Um acht Uhr sind die Affen aufgestanden. Um halb neun bin ich im Auto gefahren. Um neun Uhr bin ich bei Tierarzt angekommen. Dann sind die Affen gegangen!
Um zehn Uhr bin ich eingeschlafen.
Um zwei Uhr bin ich aufgestanden. Ich habe kein Mittagessen gegessen! Der Tierarzt haben kein Lebensmittel gegeben. Ich bin zwei stunden im Bett geblieben. Um vier Uhr haben die Affen zurück gekommen und um halb fünf bin ich zu Hause angekommen.
Die andere Katze habe in der Küche gegessen aber mein Mund tut weh. Ich habe kein Abendessen gegessen. Um sechs Uhr bin ich im Schlafzimmer gegangen und bin auf das Bett gesprungen. Ich habe laut Musik gehört. Ich habe nicht geschlafen. Um viertel vor elf haben die Musiker gehalten. Um elf Uhr bin ich eingeschlafen.
Current Mood:  accomplished
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03:56 pm
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I R M00V33 STA!!!1!!!
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05:39 pm
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SKAR3D!!11!!!
EVR1 CUPPL3 0V WEEEEEKSSS T00 0VVER FUD AP3Z CUM T00 M1 H0WM AN D00 F1NGZ!!!1!!!! W0N 0V DEM HAZ G0T TEH MASH1NE W0T EETS KATS AND 1Z MOVING 1T EVR1WARE!!111!!! SH3 P0YNT3D 1T AT MEEEE!!111!!! AN DEN SH3 L1FT UPP M1 BASK1T AN PUSSSH TEH MASH1NE W0T EETS KATS UNDA 1T AN D1DUNT PUTT 1T BAK!!11!!!!
1Z SKAR3D NA0!!!11!!!
UPPDAYT!!111!: NA0 D3Y PUTT W3T 0N OVVER FLUR S0 1 CANT G0 0WT OV TEH RUUM!111!!!
Current Location: UNDA DA D3SSK!!11!
Current Mood: SKAR3D
Current Music: TEH MASH1NE W0T EETS KATS
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12:50 pm
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Presumption
The lack of subtlety and expression in human communication, and the sheer presumptiveness of this post by a mere food ape challenges my ability to express myself. Whilst the other cat, the non-existent one would say something like 1TZ N0TT FAYR!!11!!! , I am at a loss for words.
Instead, I will express myself in High Feline at three o'clock in the morning.
Current Mood: indignant
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04:24 pm
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HAV N00 F1NG BUTT N0T FAYR AN1WA1!!!!111
feorag W3NT3D TOO IKEA YESTADA TOO BY MEEE A N00 BEDD!!11!!!! 1T 1Z DED CUMFY AN 1T 1Z 0RL M1NE AN N0T DAT 0VVER KAT W0T DUZ N0T EGGZISST!!11!!!1 HAV PUTTED M1 FURR 0RL OWVER 1T!!11!!1
1Z 1T T0 ERLY FUR KR1SSMUSS 1KON?
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02:41 am
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UTTA H0R1DNES!!!11!!!
CHEWSDA1 W0Z S0 UNFAYR 1T HAZ TAKED MEE T1LL N0U 2 R1TE ABOWT 1T!!!!1!!!!!
THA FUD AP3Z PUTTED MEE 1N A B0KS AN TAKED MEE A LONNG WA1!!!111!!!1 ATT THA ENND OV THA LONNG WA1 W0Z THA v.e.t.!!!11!!!!! THA KAT BEFOUR MEE W0Z SIAMEEZ AN T0LD THA v.e.t. WER T00 G0 VER1 LOWDLEE!!!111!!! 1 WOZ N0TT RELACKSED!!11!!!
HEE TUK MEE OWT OV M1 BOCKS AN POKEDED AN PRODEDEDEDED MEE AN WAYD MEE AN OVVER 1ND1GGN1TT1ES AN THENN HEE L1FTED UPP M1 TAYL!!!11!!!! 1 H1SED ATT H1M BUTT 1T GOTT WURSE!!111!!!!
1 HAV B1N GROW1N M1 CL0RZ S0 1 KAN HURTT OVVER KAT W0T DUZ N0T EGGSIST MURE, BUTT HEE GRAB MEE AN STARRT TOO KL1P DEM!11!!!!! ( KUTT FUR SWARE1NESS... )
Current Mood: angry
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09:52 pm
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The things we do for amusement.
feorag has invented a fun new toy, especially for me! It involves her stringing several hundred beads onto a strong cotton thread, still attached to the ball. She then sticks a small metal hook into the loose end and starts moving it. This makes the beads irresistible to me. It is such good fun trying to kill them on the string! As she moves the hook, she neatly tangles up some of the string and beads, which makes the beads on the thread move even more interestingly. It's worth wasting the bit she does just for that effect.
Today I have been mostly going up to feorag and meowing in my most pathetic voice, then running away when she tries to pet me. autopope has still abandoned me with this incompetent food ape! I cannot even remember what a cat treat looks like, and I'm not going to get started on the state of my litter tray!
Edited to add: I have made my protest about the tray. I have managed to do my business one third in the tray, one third out of it, and the remaining third balanced carefully on the edge of the tray. Now to start up the pathetic meeping again to draw her attention to my creativity.
Current Location: The sofa in my study
Current Mood: aggrieved
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08:50 am
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S0WSHUL NETTWURKIN
1 AM NAO ON KATBUK W0T 1Z FASEBUK APP 4 KATZ 2 NETWURK!!!1!1!!!! HEER 1Z M1 PR0F1YL!!!111!! DAT 0VVER KAT W0T DUZ N0T EGGZIST DUZ N0T HAV PROF1YL S0 REELY DUZ N0T EGGZIST!!!!!1!!
U KAN GIF M1 VERCHUL STR0KZ!!!!11!!1
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10:36 pm
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Unamused
autopope has disappeared again and left that incompetent feorag to serve me. As usual, I am having to put up with food arriving at erratic times, and less than prompt cleaning of the litter tray. I have taken to crapping outside the tray as an expression of my disgust.
I think she might have spotted me running up the stairs the other day. Since then, I have been careful to walk gingerly, a little unsteady on my paws, in the hope that she will think she is mistaken and that she really saw the other cat who does not exist.
Update, 22:54: And now she is being even more unreasonable. She dumped a large amount of litter over the "gift" I made her, and left it a few minutes. Then she used a dustpan and brush to scoop it all into the tray, which she cleaned (at bloody last). The horror is that she is now using The Machine That Eats Kitties to deal with the few fragments of litter on the floor.
Current Mood: unamused
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